← Back to Articles

Supporting a Partner with PTSD

Practical strategies for partners and families supporting a loved one with post-traumatic stress

Living with a partner who has Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) can be challenging, confusing, and emotionally exhausting. You want to help, but you may not know how. You care deeply for your partner, but the PTSD symptoms—the irritability, withdrawal, hypervigilance, nightmares, or emotional numbness—can impact your relationship, your family, and your own wellbeing.

If this sounds familiar, you're not alone. PTSD affects not just the person living with it, but also the people closest to them. This article provides practical strategies for supporting your partner while also looking after yourself.

Understanding PTSD and Its Impact on Relationships

PTSD occurs when the brain's response to trauma doesn't settle over time. For partners of veterans, first responders, or anyone who has experienced trauma, PTSD symptoms can show up as:

• Emotional withdrawal – Your partner may seem distant, emotionally flat, or unable to express affection
• Irritability and anger – Small things might trigger disproportionate reactions
• Hypervigilance – Constantly being on edge, startling easily, or struggling to relax
• Avoidance – Avoiding people, places, or conversations that remind them of the trauma
• Sleep disturbances – Nightmares, insomnia, or restless sleep that impacts both of you
• Re-experiencing symptoms – Flashbacks or intrusive memories that make them feel like the trauma is happening again

These symptoms aren't intentional, and they're not a reflection of how your partner feels about you. PTSD is a response to trauma, and it affects how the brain processes emotions, threat, and safety.

How PTSD Affects Relationships

PTSD can strain even the strongest relationships. Common challenges include:

Communication Breakdown

Your partner may struggle to talk about their feelings, withdraw during difficult conversations, or become defensive when you try to connect. This can leave you feeling shut out, frustrated, or unsure how to help.

Emotional Distance

PTSD often involves emotional numbing, where your partner may seem detached, uninterested, or unable to express love or affection. This doesn't mean they don't care—it's a symptom of PTSD—but it can feel deeply painful and isolating.

Increased Conflict

Irritability, anger outbursts, and hypervigilance can lead to more arguments. Small disagreements might escalate quickly, and your partner may struggle to regulate their emotions during conflict.

Role Changes

You might find yourself taking on more household responsibilities, managing the children alone, or acting as a caregiver. Over time, this can create resentment and exhaustion, even if you understand why it's happening.

Impact on Intimacy

Physical and emotional intimacy can be difficult when PTSD is present. Your partner may avoid closeness, struggle with vulnerability, or have difficulty being present during intimate moments.

How You Can Support Your Partner

Supporting a partner with PTSD requires patience, understanding, and clear communication. Here are some practical strategies that can help:

1. Learn About PTSD

Understanding what PTSD is and how it affects your partner can help you respond with compassion rather than frustration. Read about PTSD, attend support groups for partners and families, or ask your partner's therapist if they can provide information (with your partner's consent).

The more you understand, the less you'll take symptoms personally and the better equipped you'll be to support your partner effectively.

2. Encourage Treatment—But Don't Push

Effective treatment for PTSD exists, and recovery is possible. However, your partner needs to be ready and willing to engage in treatment. You can encourage them, offer to help find a therapist, or go to appointments with them, but ultimately the decision is theirs.

If your partner is resistant to professional help, you might say something like:

"I've noticed you've been struggling lately, and I think talking to someone could help. I'm here to support you if you want to explore that."

Avoid ultimatums or pressure, as this can increase resistance. Instead, focus on expressing concern and offering support.

3. Communicate Openly and Calmly

PTSD makes communication harder, but it's still essential. When talking with your partner:

• Choose a calm moment when neither of you is stressed or triggered
• Use "I" statements: "I feel worried when you withdraw" rather than "You always shut me out"
• Listen without judgment or trying to fix the problem
• Be honest about your own feelings and needs
• Avoid blaming or criticising—focus on understanding and problem-solving together

4. Recognise and Respect Triggers

Triggers are reminders of the trauma that can cause intense reactions. Your partner's triggers might include certain sounds, smells, places, dates, or situations. If you can identify what triggers your partner, you can work together to manage or avoid those situations when possible.

However, it's not your responsibility to eliminate all triggers—this isn't realistic or sustainable. Instead, focus on understanding what helps your partner feel safe and supported when they are triggered.

5. Create Stability and Routine

PTSD often makes people feel out of control or unsafe. Predictable routines, calm environments, and consistent support can help your partner feel more grounded.

This might include regular meal times, consistent sleep schedules, planned activities, or just creating a home environment that feels calm and safe.

6. Support Their Recovery—But Don't Take Responsibility for It

You can encourage your partner's recovery, attend therapy sessions with them (if they want you there), and help them stay on track with treatment. But you cannot fix your partner, force them to get better, or take responsibility for their mental health.

Your role is to be supportive, not to be their therapist or sole source of support.

7. Look After Yourself

This is one of the most important—and most often neglected—strategies. Supporting someone with PTSD is emotionally demanding, and you cannot pour from an empty cup.

Take care of your own mental and physical health by:

• Maintaining your own social connections and friendships
• Engaging in hobbies and activities you enjoy
• Accessing your own support—whether through friends, family, or professional counselling
• Setting boundaries around what you can and cannot manage
• Recognising when you need a break

Looking after yourself isn't selfish—it's essential. You'll be a better support for your partner when your own wellbeing is stable.

What Not to Do

While there are many helpful strategies, there are also some approaches that can make things worse:

Don't Minimise or Dismiss Their Experience

Avoid saying things like "just get over it," "it's been years," or "others have been through worse." PTSD isn't something people can just move past through willpower. These statements can feel invalidating and increase shame.

Don't Try to Force Them to Talk

While communication is important, pushing your partner to share details of their trauma before they're ready can be retraumatising. Let them share in their own time, and respect their boundaries around what they're comfortable discussing.

Don't Enable Avoidance

While you should respect your partner's boundaries, be careful not to enable unhealthy avoidance. If your partner is avoiding all social connection, meaningful activities, or treatment, gently encourage them to take small steps forward rather than withdrawing completely.

Don't Take Everything Personally

PTSD symptoms—like irritability, withdrawal, or emotional numbness—are not about you. They're symptoms of a condition. While it's okay to have boundaries around how you're treated, try to separate PTSD symptoms from intentional behaviour.

When to Seek Couples or Family Support

If PTSD is significantly impacting your relationship, couples or family therapy can help. A therapist who specialises in trauma and relationships can:

• Help you both communicate more effectively
• Address conflict patterns and rebuild trust
• Support you in understanding each other's perspectives
• Develop practical strategies for managing PTSD symptoms as a couple

At Mindful Mates Social Services, we offer couples counselling for veterans, first responders, and their partners. We understand the unique challenges PTSD brings to relationships and can help you navigate this together.

Support for Partners and Families

You don't have to navigate this alone. Support services for partners and families of people with PTSD include:

• Open Arms – Free counselling for veterans and their families (1800 011 046)
• Partner support groups – Many ex-service organisations and mental health services offer partner and family support groups
• Individual counselling – Your own therapist can help you manage the emotional impact of supporting a partner with PTSD

Seeking support for yourself isn't disloyal or selfish—it's recognising that you matter too, and that your wellbeing is essential.

Recovery Is Possible

PTSD is treatable, and many people—and relationships—recover with the right support. Recovery doesn't always mean the trauma disappears, but it does mean learning to live well despite it, regaining connection, and rebuilding trust and intimacy.

It takes time, patience, and often professional support, but it is possible. You and your partner don't have to navigate this journey alone.